While a lot has changed since we were teenagers, our questions about sex still run rampant. Are we having enough sex? Should we be doing something differently in bed? How do we know if our partners want too much sex? Here’s what we found when looking at how often happy couples have sex, and what it means for your sex life.
- There is no normal. Some happy couples have sex three times per week, while other happy couples have sex way less frequently. It’s all about what works for you and your partner.
- The number doesn’t matter — but the changes do. There is no magic number of times per week that happy couples have sex. The thing that matters most is that the frequency with which they’re engaging in intercourse still meets the needs of both partners. If their rate has diminished from three times per week to now just once, but both of them are satisfied, they’re likely to be happier.
- Having more sex won’t make your relationship happier. The idea that “happy couples have sex more” isn’t necessarily true. Carnegie Mellon researchers found that increasing the frequency of sex doesn’t make couples happier. It’s about the quality of the sex and your relationship, not the quantity.
- Couples often fib. A healthy sex life is important, and most people know that. So, they’ll often stretch the truth, claiming they make love more frequently than they really do. It’s important to not compare your love life with others, especially since you can’t know if they’re lying. Stop worrying about what other people are doing! Focus on what will make your relationship be as sexually fulfilling as possible.
- Honesty is important. A survey found that couples who have sex once a week are the happiest. But that’s not a magic number. The key to happiness isn’t how frequently happy couples have sex, but in how they talk about it. Conversations about your sex life, how often and what kind of sex, will lead to a more satisfaction. If your partner can’t tell that your needs aren’t being met, they can’t help to fix it.
- Don’t allow obligations to interfere. This doesn’t mean that you should have sex during work or a PTA meeting, but you can’t let your busy schedule prevent you from having the sex life you want. It’s common to feel too tired to even think about sex, especially for those of us with stressful jobs, busy schedules, and kids to take care of. But that shouldn’t stand in your way! Sex releases endorphins, making you feel good and increasing how close you feel to your partner. It also clears the mind, quieting down all those stressful thoughts that were turning you off.
- Arousal is more important than orgasm. Many of us think that sex is all about the climax, but that’s not the case. It’s common for people to not feel sexual desire until they’re already in the middle of things. Since we don’t always feel the need for sex from the start, stimulating your partner’s interest is crucial. Kissing, reading erotica, or watching porn are all great ways to arouse your partner, which can jump-start their sexual desire.
- Schedule sex. It might sound excessive, but so much of our lives are dictated by our schedules anyway. Make sure to pencil in some time to connect with your partner and meet their needs. If you’re planning a date night, consider having sex before going out — it’ll help make sure nobody is too tired or in a food coma after your date, and it’ll make you feel closer and more affectionate throughout the night.