When dating someone new, we all bring our pasts into the future with us, whether we want to or not. When dating a divorced man, it’s no different. Except, he might have an ex who is still in the picture, he could still be recovering emotionally, or he could have kids. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Going through a divorce can make people more mature, bringing their experiences to new relationships. Keeping an open mind and an understanding heart is essential when dating a divorced man. Here’s some advice on what you can expect as you move forward with him:
- Be certain you’re dating a divorced man, not a separated one. There’s a big difference between someone who is divorced and someone who is in the process of getting divorced. One of them is still married! If you’re dating someone who is technically still married, you’re putting yourself in a bad spot. There’s a good chance he won’t be able to give you his full attention or commitment. Or worse, he could still go back to his wife. If he’s not divorced, he’s not for you.
- Move slowly. This goes for any relationship, really, since you should always get to know someone before getting too serious. But, if you’re dating a divorced man, try to find out what went wrong in his previous relationship. Be understanding, and don’t force him into discussing things that might still be too painful for him. Find out what you can, though, to make sure that he’s not repeating the past with you.
- Make sure fighting with (and for) the ex is over. If you’re dating a divorced man who spends all of his time fighting with his ex, he won’t be in a good mental state for a relationship with you. Fighting with his ex will create residual anger that he might take out on you. Or worse, if he’s fighting for his ex, you’re just a rebound or a distraction until he gets what he wants. Date someone who wants you.
- Be clear about your expectations. You’re coming into his life at a time of great transition, so don’t be surprised if he’s not looking to get remarried right away. If marriage is a top priority for you, make sure to be clear about that. Both of you need to express your desires and expectations for the relationship early on. It’ll help you both realize what you want from the relationship, and you’ll avoid disappointment in the future. Whatever you do, don’t push him into settling down. If you can envision a future where you’re happy with him, without ever settling down, stick with it.
- Don’t rush into meeting his children. No matter how badly you’d like to meet his kids, this is a decision that should always be left to him and his children. If you seem to eager to meet them, it could be seen as inconsiderate or like you’re trying too hard.